Today is the second day of the new year and I feel the same as I did on the last day of 2020. Don’t misunderstand me, I didn’t expect things to be different just because the year changed. However, I noticed changes in me prior to the clock striking midnight on 1 January. I contemplated writing something about the year 2020 ending, but I didn’t. I’m not sure if it was due to laziness or distraction. Maybe I needed to experience today’s events in order to write about it.
Earlier this morning, before I was fully awake, I had a conversation that stirred up my thoughts about how I felt during a portion of last year. I was also reminded of a picture I posted on social media a year ago today. Both of which inspired me to open my laptop and write.
The woman pictured above looks polished, poised, and altogether; but in reality, she was struggling to fight off thoughts and feelings of anxiety every day. My mind was overwhelmed with thoughts of inadequacy, doubt, and fear. In all honesty, I felt a lot like I did when I was married—miserable. And just like when I was married, I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want either situation to have the upper hand or appear as if I couldn’t handle it or overcome it. I mean, I am a strong black woman—I can take it. Right?
Although I used my faith to counter the whirlwind of negativity in my head, the winds would resurface and torment my mind all over again. Ultimately, the thoughts of inadequacy led me to believe I was a failure. But the fact of the matter is I wasn’t—I’m not. Those difficulties taught me to trust the process regardless of how it feels. Because if it doesn’t challenge you it won’t change you.
I am appreciative of the arduous moments of not just 2020, but throughout my life thus far. By no means am I saying I like being upset or sad. But I realize I am the woman I am today due to the good and the bad I’ve experienced. Furthermore, I know in whom I believe. And I know He won’t put more on me than I can bear, which means I can handle every situation that comes my way with His help.
As we embark upon this new year, I want to encourage you to take the good with the bad. Every day will not be wonderful, but my hope is that you will walk in confidence knowing the discomfort will bring growth and stability.
“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”
1 Peter 5:10 KJV
Until the next time be you—but more important—love you.
Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.
-B.B. 💋
