A paradox is a statement or proposition that, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory.

It is quite unfortunate that there are some people in this world who don’t believe full-figured women can be considered attractive and dateable. However, as I have stated several times before, beauty is subjective, and we are all entitled to our individual opinions. But, the most unfortunate factor about this belief is that some of these individuals who embrace this fallacy are full-figured women.

I recently read two articles that inspired me to write this post.  The first article I read left me perplexed and slightly annoyed. I disagreed with everything the author stated, which is rare for me. The article was about the difficulties of dating as a full-figured woman. I was puzzled by the article because there are just as many men who are attracted to fuller figured women than those men who aren’t. And there are a plethora of men in this world who don’t care what dress size we wear or how much we weigh. So what is the real problem?

As I read the first article, I came to the conclusion that the list had more to do with the people the writer chose to date and her own insecurities rather than them being a universal problem of dating as a single plus-size woman. I think the real issue is the lack of self-love, low self-confidence, and a poor view of how some plus-size women see themselves.

The author lists nine dating “frustrations” she associates with being a plus-size woman, but there are two that concerned me the most. The writer believes “Your body becomes a sexual fetish” as a plus-size woman. The reality is, any body type can be a sexual fetish to anyone – it is not solely directed toward full-figured women. Furthermore, I don’t think being sexually attracted to someone automatically means you’re not viewing them wholly. Our physical appearance is just one part of who we are, and our physique may pay a large or small role in the attraction someone has for us. Don’t get me wrong -I am aware of the fact that there are some individuals who are only sexually attracted to us, but it is up to us to decide whether or not we want to be involved in this type of relationship.

I think number two on the list surprised me the most – “People automatically think you put out.” By no means do I profess to know every stereotype geared toward plus-size women, but this is beyond ridiculous. Again, I view this “frustration” as a possible situation for any woman at any size who lacks self-love and a healthy level of self-esteem.  If people automatically think you “put out,” what non-verbal messages are you sending? If we find ourselves in a situation where we believe to have a relationship we must give ourselves sexually to a man, we are clearly not loving ourselves nor do we truly know our worth. Furthermore, if we find ourselves in relationships with people who only want us for sex, we should re-evaluate the caliber of the companions we are choosing. If a man only wants you for what is between your legs – you don’t need him.

The second article I read did not leave me perplexed or annoyed, on the contrary – it made me smile. This article is about a woman who overcame the self-hatred and doubt that crept into her mind while she was dating her “conventionally hot husband.” The writer expressed how society has led a lot of us to believe fuller sized women should hate their bodies, and we should not be with thinner attractive men.

What I enjoyed most about the aforementioned article is that it enforces the fact that everyone does not fit into society’s idea of what is beautiful, and that is OK because everybody doesn’t agree with society’s view of beauty. It is one thing to make changes because WE want to, but we mustn’t allow the negative statements of others cause us to hate and belittle ourselves.

I want to encourage all women to recognize her worth and appreciate herself as she is. I truly believe beauty comes from within, and it can be seen outwardly if you allow it. I implore you to love yourself the way you are right now, not what or who you could be. And once you obtain that level of self-love – let it show to everyone you encounter. When we begin to love ourselves at a deeper level, it will become easier to combat the negativity that comes from the insecure people that try to tear us down. This deeper level of self-love can also give you the push to leave unhealthy relationships and attract healthy ones.

The fact of the matter is, you have the power to determine what beautiful is to you. So, define it and be your own kind of beautiful. Your confidence will attract those who see and appreciate your beauty as you are.

Until the next time, be you and most importantly…love you

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

B.B.

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