We live in an influential world. Generally speaking, what is considered “cool” and “acceptable” is defined by the masses. And in a lot of instances if someone is found outside of these parameters they are considered strange or unacceptable.
Unfortunately, some of us fall victim to the desire for social acceptance. The collective we associate achievement with our occupation, home, vehicle, finances, and partner—to name a few; which, brings me to the subject of this post.
When it comes to reaching achievement with landing “the guy,” I am wondering if the plus-size community is sending the wrong message. I had a conversation with one of my plus-size male friends about this topic. He brought to my attention how often full-figured women post pictures with smaller “fit” men that include a message of cross over or “arrival.” A lot of the captions I read suggest that those of us who are man-less will obtain our “fit” guy who loves the big girl too.
Although I don’t think the intent is negative, I fear the message insinuates being in a relationship with a non-plus-size man is the epitome of acceptance and should be sought. This concerns me for a couple of reasons.
According to the Internet, a superhero is a person who does heroic things that a normal person couldn’t. So to be a superhero, you need a power that is more exceptional than what a normal human being could possess to accomplish good deeds.
I believe viewing the “fit” guy as an aspiration makes him our superhero. In theory, being with him catapults us into the “normal zone” and seals the deal on our acceptance in society.
If we classify attracting a “fit” guy as a “goal,” what message are we sending to the men in our community? Does it ignite thoughts and feelings of inadequacy within them? By no means am I suggesting a plus-size woman shouldn’t be involved with a non-plus-size man or vice versa. I don’t think landing one should be advertised as an aspiration.
Additionally, doesn’t this place our toes on the line of a double standard? What would happen if the situation was reversed? Would there be words of outrage for the plus-size men posting photos with “fit” women?
More importantly, what does this instill in the younger, more impressionable generations? Could this potentially add to the challenge of establishing a healthy level of self-esteem in our youth? Will boys believe they must look a certain way to be considered to be in a romantic relationship? Could it ignite more body shaming and possibly prejudice?
But on the flip side, is it our responsibility to ensure everyone is comfortable with our choices, or should our focus be on our happiness? If you’re an advocate for self-love, where is the line?
This subject raises a lot of questions—something else to ponder.
Until the next time be you—and more important—love you.
Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.
-B.B. 💋
