Earlier today, I watched a video by Aba and Preach on YouTube that touches on a possible challenge within a relationship—weight gain. While I viewed it, a lot of questions popped into my mind as it relates to body-shaming and relationships.

In the video, Aba and Preach discuss a Facebook post from a group on the platform. The post was written by a woman who was seeking advice on what to do about a concern her boyfriend raised. She’s gained a significant amount of weight, and her boyfriend told her he isn’t happy about it, and he struggles with being attracted to her. In the post, the author acknowledges he said it nicely, so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt, but she was still despondent and wonders what to do. Additionally, she is concerned that if she loses him, no one else will want her.

The majority of the responses shared during the video expressed disapproval of the boyfriend’s thoughts and feelings. He was labeled immature and his love for his girlfriend was brought into question. As I stated earlier, this topic and the responses generated a lot of questions in my mind. So where shall I begin?

I commend the boyfriend for expressing his feelings. He was honest and upfront with her, and that should be applauded and appreciated. Communication and honesty are two major keys to a successful relationship. His behavior is the exact opposite of immaturity.

According to Merriam-Webster, body-shaming is defined as the act or practice of subjecting someone to criticism or mockery for supposed bodily faults or imperfections. Preference is defined as the power or opportunity of choosing.

After reviewing the definitions, I am having trouble comprehending how one’s preference can be classified as body-shaming. I believe the real issue is the expectation of acceptance by anyone and everyone—it’s unrealistic and frankly, self-asserting.

Personal preference comes into play with just about everything in life, food, clothing, music, movies, and even people—to name a few. I may get my “black card” revoked for this, but I’m not a fan of Beyonce. I prefer the ballads produced by Jill Scott, Anita Baker, Mary J., and Sade. I could eat chicken every day, but I have a preference on which part of the chicken I eat; I only consume white meat. There may be some people who take issue with me comparing the food we choose to eat or the music we listen to with the physique of a potential partner, but I’m trying to make a point. Our preferences are things/people we’d rather have or lean toward. So why isn’t it okay to be partial or attracted to a particular body type? What is the difference?

I can’t wrap my mind around the idea or expectation of universal acceptance. Everyone is not going to like everything about us, and that is okay.

I struggled with one factor of this dilemma—the girlfriend’s response. My initial thought was she should consider how she feels about herself. I was alarmed by her concerns about whether or not she will meet someone else if her current relationship ends. That statement leads me to believe she is not comfortable with herself, and it is unclear if it is because she gained weight, or if it was a pre-existing condition.

If she is not happy with her weight, I would encourage her to do something about it. Losing weight could potentially improve her relationship with herself and with her boyfriend. If she is happy with her current weight, I am torn on how I would encourage her to respond. If they intend to marry, she should make the necessary changes to improve their relationship; however, if they aren’t planning to become husband and wife, I think she should do what will make her happy.

I say this because I believe the most important human relationship is the one we have with ourselves. But when we say “I do,” we vow to forsake all others, which includes ourselves—the relationship is a priority.

Lastly, I think there is a misconception that love and attraction are interrelated or possibly interchangeable. They aren’t. You can love someone and not be attracted to them and vice versa.

So what’s the takeaway? Personal preference is derived from our biases and experiences, and if someone doesn’t choose you—or me—they shouldn’t be condemned for it.

And if your partner shares a concern they have within your relationship, thank them for their honesty and determine how you’ll move forward as a couple—or not. My final thought, accept and love yourself simply because everyone won’t.

Until the next time be you—and more important—love you.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

-B.B. 💋