In general terms, my answer to the above question is yes. And unfortunately, I believe men get the short end of the stick when it comes to having more meat on the bone and being accepted or deemed attractive. Don’t get me wrong. I think both sexes face struggles and barriers related to personal preferences and biases when searching for a potential partner regardless of our body type. Still, I think women have a little more wiggle room to play with—so to speak.

A double standard is a rule or principle that is unfairly applied to different groups of people. It seems like most double standards are applied to women, but when it comes to having more cushion for the pushing, men aren’t as easily or openly embraced. Why is that?

I realize there are a lot of plus-size females with platforms that express the need for social acceptance for the fuller-figured woman. If you haven’t noticed, I am not one of those people. I am a firm believer in looking within for acceptance, affirmation, and love—the fulfillment of these requirements should not be outsourced. However, when it comes to acceptance of the larger male, I think the females within the community can be a little more supportive.

I also realize I may get some backlash—as I received for voicing my plus-size privilege— for my thoughts on the subject considering my stance on self-acceptance and love. Notwithstanding the possibility of that happening, I’m going to share it anyway.

Some members of our community may not be receptive to the correlation between the double standard that exists and plus-size privilege.

I had a conversation with one of my friends who considers himself plus-size. In all honesty, I was surprised to learn this because I don’t consider him to be a “big guy.” However, I am wise enough to know it isn’t about how I see him, or anyone else for that matter, it is how he sees himself.

He told me he had been rejected by girls for being “too big.” I know this happens to women too, but I can’t overlook the fact that being a plus-size woman can have its advantages and they can potentially encourage someone to overlook the extra pounds we’re carrying.

I’m not voicing this because I have the answer to destroying the double standard. I’m raising it to evoke thought. We all have preferences or biases, but the question we should ask ourselves is, “what did they derive from?”

Taking the journey of self-reflection can be therapeutic. After looking at myself, I realized why I preferred fair-skinned black men when I was younger. Back then, I didn’t see the beauty of my dark skin. Now that I’ve embraced who I am and learned to love the skin I am in, skin tone doesn’t matter to me. By no means am I trying to send the message that I’ve figured everything out. Nothing could be further from the truth. During my self-reflection, I learned I am not as open to people who don’t look like me when it comes to dating. I am in the process of figuring out why that is. I don’t necessarily think it is bad to have preferences; however, I think it is a good idea to know why we have them.

Just a little something to ponder over.

Until the next time be you—and more important—love you.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

-B.B. 💋