I’m Still Learning to Love Myself: Confessions of a Self-Love Advocate

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:13-14 KJV

Have you ever had to rebuke yourself? Well, I have. As a matter of fact, I did it several times over the past two weeks. The first scenario involved my so-called love life—or the lack thereof. I found myself entertaining a non-fiction narrative that ignited feelings of inadequacy and despair. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I also inflicted negative thoughts and words on myself about my body. I realize the unfavorable trips I took could have been related to the joys of being a woman, which I am reminded of every 28 days. Nevertheless, I’m not happy about the occurrence.

I know loving myself is a great gift; however, when I began working on this post, I was convinced it was a difficult thing to achieve. I questioned if it is a destination or a point of completion, or if it is a continuous quest that evolves. Furthermore, there’s a lot of outside noise that can potentially impact how or if we love ourselves. And in some instances, like the ones I experienced, we bring it on ourselves.

As I’ve mentioned before, I check the stats of the blog every day in hopes that someone is reading the words I choose to capture my feelings and ideas. During my scroll Wednesday night, I saw someone read “Happy Birthday, Towanda Another Year Older Another Year Wiser; The Evolution of Me” from 2017. I read the words I wrote and I realized I cannot “count myself to have apprehended” loving myself the way I initially believed I should. It is six years later and now I see loving myself as a journey not a one-time exercise.

The more I think about it—in most cases—we change over time. Our circumstances and life experiences have an impact on the people we are and become. So, if we continue to evolve as human beings, shouldn’t the way we love ourselves change too?

Now at 47, I see the need to extend myself grace to cover the moments that I slip and allow myself to recover without dwelling on the mishap. I have an assignment to complete, so I must press on to love myself as God intends.