Several years ago, someone said I looked like Esther Rolle. At the time the statement was made, I took offense to it. I was offended because back then, I didn’t consider her to be an attractive woman. During my early years of life, I had a very distorted view of what true beauty is. But, as I have gotten older I realize what beauty truly is, and more importantly – what it is to me.
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
I Corinthians 13:11 KJV
I’ve learned that beauty is based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions. There are no set parameters on what is beautiful. We have the power to decide what we deem to be beautiful. I realize that beauty encompasses what is found in the heart and mind of a person, which is manifested on the outside. Our appearance and our speech testify to how we view ourselves. When we aren’t thinking well of ourselves, it is apparent in the way we look and by the things we say about ourselves. We should think well of ourselves and see ourselves as beautiful. But, how does one activate and demonstrate these behaviors? How does one find their beauty?
Now, I acknowledge the fact that the concept of finding one’s beauty is simple – however, putting it into action for the first time may be a little difficult. I say it can be difficult for a couple of reasons. It is not easy to face the struggles associated with battling our inner voice of criticism. Most of the time we are our worst enemy. I also realize that everyone is not confident in their skin. I know because there was a time when I wasn’t. I think there are a few steps to finding one’s beauty; Step 1 – Create your definition of beauty that is based on your attributes and no one else’s. Step 2 – Shut out any statements or relationships that have the potential to damage or taint your personal definition of beauty. Step 3 – Establish inner happiness and peace.
When I was married, I came to the point where I could no longer see my beauty. This came after overcoming self-esteem issues from my adolescent years. I recall mentioning my struggle to my then-husband, and he said, “you have a man, why don’t you think you are pretty?” His question made me realize that truly knowing, seeing, and embracing one’s beauty doesn’t come from the validation of another – it comes from within. Furthermore, there is another factor to consider in the pursuit of finding your beauty. During the time that I didn’t see my beauty, within me lived unhappiness and dissatisfaction – I had no peace. I learned that how we feel inside will be visible on the outside. When I started doing things to regain my happiness – mainly leaving a toxic relationship – and started to heal, I began to see my beauty appear again. I saw me again.
How does one find their beauty? I admit that I had been searching for the answer to this question for quite some time, and much like the conclusion to “The Wizard of Oz”, the answer was with me all the time. Establish inner happiness with you. And once you find it, flaunt it and enjoy it.
Until the next time, be you and most importantly – love you.
Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.
-B.B.
