A few days ago I began to ponder over the context of the things I have written in regards to self-confidence and self-esteem. I began to question the process of moving from insecure to self-assured. How does one get there? I recognize the importance of being comfortable in one’s skin, but how is it achieved? How did I transform from the girl who didn’t want to be seen, to the woman who doesn’t shy away from attention? What transpired?

It is true that everyone is not confident in their skin, but if we were more open and forthcoming about our insecurities and the tools used to overcome them, I think we would have a higher level of self-love and self-esteem among females. If we were more open to complimenting and encouraging one another, we would have more confident and assured women and girls. By no means am I implying we should seek or even provide validation but, we should be strengthening each other in any way that we can.

So, where do we begin on this path to self-assured-ness? I believe one of the most vital steps in moving from insecure to self-assured is the elimination of comparison.

“Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12 ESV

Comparison means to examine the character or qualities of, especially in order to discover resemblances or differences. Comparing can cause discontentment or pride, and that can be a dangerous state of mind.  The discontentment that can develop from comparing can lower our self-esteem and our opinion of our self-worth. Pride, on the other hand, can enter our hearts and minds if we believe the individual we are comparing ourselves to is beneath us. It’s not good to be found on either end of this spectrum.

Society deems certain individuals as beautiful or sexy and some people adapt them as truth – for various reasons. In some cases, these images or people are idolized and equated to be the epitome of sexy and beauty. And because of this, some people compare themselves to this deemed epitome.

I challenge you to be your epitome of sexy and beauty. Create your definition of beauty based on what you see when you look at yourself and not what society says it is or what it should be. Look for your beauty – if you look for it, you will find it. When I stopped comparing myself to other people and started to look at myself in search of my beauty, I found it. I noticed the distinct features of my face – my high cheekbones, my full lips, and even my eyebrows – they play a part in my beauty. The curves and fullness of my breasts and my hips play a part in my beauty. The curve of my bowlegs, which is actually considered a physical deformity, play a part in my beauty and sexiness.

Furthermore, beauty and sexiness are not found solely on the surface of our being. Our character and our behavior play an important role in the visibility of our beauty and sexiness. For instance, our beauty shines through with the words we say and how we carry ourselves. There is an individual that I have referred to a few times in my writing that influenced the increase of my self-esteem. I met this person at the ripe age of 11, and even though I saw him almost daily at school, I never really saw him until we started having conversations in the 12th grade. The conversations allowed me to see his character, which caused me to see him differently. I became attracted to him once I was able to see who he was. My point is, when we allow people to see who we are on the inside, it becomes visible on the outside.

So, here is another challenge – as you work on building your confidence, engage in conversations that allow you to discuss the things you are passionate about and enjoy. When we discuss topics we are knowledgeable and passionate about our countenance brightens. We open up and we are more expressive. There is a level of comfort in what is familiar. And when we are comfortable, we are free to be ourselves and free to be seen as our beautiful selves.

In all honesty, there is nothing gained when we compare ourselves to other people. We are going to see differences because we are in fact different. I don’t think I can stress this enough – your differences make you unique, they make you – you.

Until the next time be you, but most importantly…love you.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

B.B.