An article was sent to me today that left me a bit confused. In most cases, I don’t like using the word confused. Mainly because I know who the author of confusion is—but that is a topic for another day. However, I couldn’t identify a more appropriate word to describe how I felt.
In a recent article by Victoria Uwumarogie for Madamenoire.com, entertainer Tokyo Vanity expressed her disapproval of the term BBW [Big Beautiful Woman]. In a nutshell, the musician/television personality views the label as a form of fetishizing and disdain. More specifically, she categorizes the acronym as a backhanded compliment.
The first thing that puzzled me was the idea that being called a BBW is fetishizing. According to the dictionary, fetishize means to make something the object of a sexual fetish or have an excessive and irrational commitment to or obsession with something. Looking at each word within the acronym, nothing stands out to me that can be considered irrational or obsessive. The word big is an adjective used to describe something of considerable size, extent, or intensity. Beautiful is an adjective that means pleasing to the senses or mind aesthetically, and a woman is an adult human female.
I do not claim to know the ways in which fuller-figured women are fixated on; however, I am having a hard time understanding how being called a BBW fits the bill.
I’ve written about the idea of fetishizing in the plus-size community before and my thoughts haven’t changed. The fact of the matter is, anyone—or thing—can be a fetish for someone. And being categorized as a BBW could just mean the person calling you that thinks you are the manifestation of what the term stands for.
Having said that, I can understand how a fuller-figured woman could take issue with being called a big beautiful woman as opposed to just being labeled a beautiful woman. This brings me to another part of the article that I disagreed with—partially anyway. Tokyo Vanity also considers a black woman being told she’s “pretty for a black girl” or a “gorgeous dark or brown-skinned woman” to be a backhanded compliment or offensive.
Although I understand the premise behind her stance, I believe there is a difference between the two phrases. Being told you are “pretty for a black girl” insinuates you are an anomaly. But the statement, “gorgeous dark or brown-skinned woman” sounds similar to BBW to me. Both expressions give a more detailed description of the subject. I’m wondering if there is confusion between attraction and fetishizing. With all things considered, could it be possible that the use of the descriptors is an indication of one’s preference or attraction as opposed to a fetish or a backhanded compliment?
The last thing within the article that left me perplexed was Tokyo Vanity’s description of herself. She referred to herself as “the prettiest bitch,” the best “ho, “and the “‘baddest’ bitch.”
According to Merriam-Webster, a bitch is a female dog or some other carnivorous mammal. It is also defined as a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman.
By no means have I changed my stance on people being who they are unapologetically. However, I am having difficulty understanding how being labeled a BBW is derogatory, but calling yourself a bitch and a whore isn’t.
In all honesty, I consider disliking the term BBW and deeming it fetishizing and embracing the connotations of the word bitch pure lunacy. But I also think this is a perfect example of the message I continually “preach.” Being who we are—or choose to be—can be labeled unconventional and sometimes viewed as strange by others. And this is definitely a subject I find very odd.
Tokyo Vanity does not want to be referred to as a BBW and that is her choice. I see nothing wrong with the term and I embrace it as a suitable label.
Unfortunately, no matter how many phrases we discount, change, or eliminate, there will always be someone offended by something. But at the rate we’re going, I’m wondering if there will be any acceptable words/phrases left for us to use.
Until the next time be you (even if someone thinks it’s strange)—and more important—love you.
Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.
-B.B. 💋
