When I think of confidence, a particular person comes to my mind whom I think exemplifies confidence in spite of the negative words that have been stated about her. The person I am referring to is Gabourey Sidibe.

…we’re back in fifth grade, and I just had been rejected by 28 kids in a row. And I was sitting alone at my desk, with an empty Ziplock bag, crumbs in my lap, and I was at this great party that I had waited for all week. I waited all week for this party that I wasn’t invited to. And for some reason I got up, I sat on my desk, and I partied my ass off. I laughed loudly when something funny happened. And when Miss Lowe put on music, I was one of the first ones to get up and dance. I joined the limbo, and ate chips, and drank soda, and I enjoyed myself, even though no one wanted me there. You know why?…I wanted that party! And what I want trumps what 28 people want me to do…”How are you so confident?”…It’s my good time, and my good life, despite what you think of me. I live my life because I dare. I dare to show up when everyone else might hide their faces and hide their bodies in shame…and to my fifth grade class, because if they hadn’t made me cry, I wouldn’t be able to cry on cue now. [Dabs tears] If I hadn’t been told I was garbage, I wouldn’t have learned how to show people I’m talented. And if everyone had always laughed at my jokes, I wouldn’t have figured out how to be so funny. If they hadn’t told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty. And if they hadn’t tried to break me down, I wouldn’t know that I’m unbreakable. [Dabs tears] So when you ask me how I’m so confident, I know what you’re really asking me: how could someone like me be confident?

As I read the speech Ms. Sidibe gave at the Ms. Foundation Gala on May 1, 2014, I couldn’t help but see her strength and courage. She embodies confidence, self-love and acceptance in one solid swoop. I admire this woman. I think we can all learn from her example. Turn what was meant for your downfall into your triumph.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…”  Genesis 50:20 NIV

Confidence, or the lack thereof, is apparent in our speech and how we carry ourselves.  In my mind, confidence is the quintessential accessory. It can be useful in winning that dream job you’ve always wanted, it can help seal the deal on that new business plan, and it can attract the mate of your dreams. – Now ladies, what can be more attractive than a confident, well-dressed man? And we know that women aren’t the only ones who find confidence an attractive trait in a potential mate.

It is my desire that women see the true beauty within themselves and walk confidently in it. I realize there are a lot of women who struggle with self-confidence.  While I was pondering over this particular subject, some questions came to mind. Why do some women lack self-confidence? Even closer to home, why did I lack self-confidence?

Merriam-Webster defines self-confidence as confidence in oneself and one’s abilities and powers. The lack of self-confidence can derive from several sources, and it can start at a young age.

One of the drivers for a lack of self-confidence is other people. If you read my earlier post, “The Butterfly Effect”, which I hope you have, you will recall my thoughts concerning how the negative words of others can affect our level of self-esteem or self-confidence. It is very important for us to not let the negative words of others affect how we feel about ourselves. I realize this is easier said than done.  I know because I fell victim to it.

I overcame low self-esteem through the kindness of another person. This individual saw something in me that I didn’t see. His interest in me caused me to look at myself differently. He will always hold a special place in my heart. I can recall not wanting to stand in line in the cafeteria at school because I didn’t want to be seen. I hid myself in my coat because I was not comfortable in my skin. – Look at me now!

When I started to see my beauty, I began to behave differently. I took pride in myself and my appearance, which, caused more people to see me. The more I was noticed, the more I noticed me, and my level of self-confidence grew. I arrived at a place of acceptance for who I was and I realized the way I see myself is far more important than the thoughts of others. But, the greatest thing I’ve learned from the negativity of others is – the individuals who wanted to tear me down, were unhappy with themselves. So, I beseech you to check the source of the words that are spoken to you. And more importantly, know that you should not be afraid to be who you are.

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”  I Timothy 1:7 KJV

Another driver for a lack of self-confidence is ourselves. In a lot of cases, we can be extremely critical of ourselves.  We allow negative thoughts to form in our heads, and we begin to think negatively about ourselves. Sometimes we can be our biggest enemy.  Always keep in mind this familiar Proverb;

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…”  Proverbs 23:7 KJV

Simply stated, we are what we think. Be mindful of your thoughts and what you ponder over concerning yourself.

I believe we must be our biggest fan and believe in ourselves. If I don’t believe in me, I shouldn’t expect anyone else to either. We look for confidence in others, so why should we expect any less from ourselves? – For an example, do you want a doctor that is not confident in her ability to perform surgery on you? NO!…I don’t think you do.

So, let’s search for and proclaim the wonderful things about ourselves and walk confidently as the beautiful people we are.

Until the next time, be you and most importantly…love you.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

B.B.