The thought to write about comparing came to my mind about a week or so ago. It stemmed from something I noticed within me, but the urge to whip out my laptop and write came after an unexpected conversation I had with a co-worker. Now I believe the discussion confirmed my need to share my thoughts.

When I was a teenager I compared myself to the girls in my class. Back then, I didn’t understand the importance of accepting and embracing my uniqueness. I wanted to be like the girls who seemed to be viewed as pretty and popular. I was different. I had long hair, but I didn’t have fair skin and a small body frame, which is what I believed signified beauty.

I was too large to wear the cute clothes I coveted that were sold in Macy’s junior department. Don’t get me wrong, my parents ensured I had decent clothes that fit me, but I chose to wear things that weren’t exactly flattering. I wanted to look as close to “normal” as I possibly could to hopefully blend in—not realizing that made me stand out even more.

I started to feel better about myself after I graduated from high school. The idea that I could be attractive became feasible, but I’ve often wondered what enabled me to finally see it. I’ve given credit to my first love as the reason behind my epiphany, but now I think there was more to it. I still believe he had a hand in opening my eyes, but I think the change in my environment made an impact, too.

After graduating, I started working in retail full-time. Reporting to work every day instead of school came with challenges, of course, but the desire and pressure to be popular lessened. Additionally, the number of co-workers I encountered was a lot less than the number of students I came in contact with when I was in school.

Generally speaking, being an adolescent comes with peer pressure and the hope for societal acceptance—it did for me anyway. As I’ve gotten older, I am less inclined to gain the approval or acceptance of my peers. This doesn’t mean that I’ve evaded or even overcome the perils of comparing—they’re just attached to a different vehicle.

I wanted to share a genius technique that eliminates the urge to compare oneself to others, but the fact of the matter is, it’s hard. I believe this for several reasons. It is true that social media doesn’t help. Those of us who entertain it spend time scrolling through posts of posed pictures of happy faces and lives. It’s true there are some people who share moments of transparency, but how transparent are they really? I’m not sitting here in judgment. I’m guilty too. I only post or share the pictures I think are cute. There are only a handful of people who truly know how rough I can look. By no means am I saying we should share pictures of ourselves when we’re at our worst. However, I do think we should take a break from viewing everyone’s “perfection.”

Spending less time on social apps like Facebook and Instagram can help, but that is just a fraction of the problem. Magazines, movies, television, and websites play a part as well. In full transparency, a clothing brand website evoked thoughts of comparison within me.

Earlier this year, I learned about the online clothing store XPlus Wear, which is based in China and Southeast Asia. They provide fast fashion for women for just about any occasion. The prices are relatively inexpensive—from my perspective—and the styles are trendy and eye-catching. I’ve purchased a few pieces, which I planned to blog about, but I digress.

During a relatively recent visit to their site, I spotted a pair of pants that caught my attention. I thought the design of the pants was cute, but that wasn’t what caused me to stop and ponder. It was the shape, size, and height—for lack of a better word—of the model’s derriere that stopped me. Does inserting the word “PAUSE” mid-dialogue work for girls, too? Anyway, after seeing the image, I began to question myself and compare my booty to hers.

I wondered if it was real or a photoshop job. I even gave thought to how to transform my hind parts to mirror what I saw online. My thoughts weren’t good because they came from an unhealthy place. This was the first time I thought negatively about my posterior. I’m glad I caught myself and didn’t do anything drastic or stupid to change my butt because I was comparing.

Although I believe the Internet plays a huge role in the game of comparing, it isn’t the only culprit. Earlier I mentioned my battle with comparing didn’t end because I’m older—the ammunition just changed. As an adult working in the business world, I am constantly being compared. We compete for jobs and promotions where we’re compared to our peers, then we are ultimately selected based on the subjective opinions of others. In turn, we compare ourselves with our “competition” to determine the probability of being the “chosen one” and contemplate making changes to be more competitive. I hate to admit it, but there’s no way to escape it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to encourage you.

Comparing can cause doubt, insecurities, and unnecessary alterations. I realize using the word “unnecessary” is subjective, but I also realize the importance of identifying the source and driver of our potential alterations. Why do we believe it is needed? Are we certain the change needs to be made outwardly as opposed to inwardly? Sometimes it’s our mindset and influencers that need to be altered.

Unfortunately, there is no easy button for dealing with comparing. However, I suggest being vigilant, so that when those times arise we can combat them with sound judgment to protect our innermost beings.

Until the next time be you—and more importantly—love you.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

-B.B. 💋