There I was staring at a blank screen for about two hours hoping for inspiration – or at least a partial idea to hit me and knock out a fabulous blog post to no avail, when a short conversation with my mother changed everything.

I recently made some changes to my diet; no fried foods and nothing high in fat. Unfortunately, the change didn’t come about because I gave thought to how detrimental an abundance of unhealthy foods can be – it came about because I got sick from it.

My mother and I were discussing how much better I have been feeling since I eliminated certain foods from my diet. A few weeks ago I became violently ill after making a very stupid decision to eat fried chicken at 2:00 am. I think I momentarily forgot I am no longer in my 20’s – or 30’s for that matter, but I digress.

I told my mother there are a few things I never want to experience again; and the repercussions of making bad food choices is one of them. Then she asked, “What are the other things?”

As I thought about it, I wanted to place each subject in rank order, but I had trouble deciding what is at the top of my list. However, after pondering over it for a moment, I figured it out.

1. Losing another baby 

I do not have the proper words to use to explain the level of; pain, anger, confusion, disappointment, sorrow, envy, and fear the loss of my children birthed within me.

I think about Xavier and Elijah every day, and oftentimes I wonder what life would be like had they lived. Although I miss them, I remember God, in His infinite wisdom, determines what will transpire. I also recognize that my experience can encourage someone. And some days that someone is me.

Losing my sons enabled me to see the strength that I possess and my ability, through the grace of God, to endure. So when challenges arise I remember what I’ve been through and it gives me the courage to drive on.

2. Another unhealthy relationship 

When I was a teenager I had a picture in my mind of how I thought relationships should be, but my reality hasn’t matched that ideal -yet. In retrospect I realize the part I played in experiencing unhealthy relationships. Now I recognize the importance of my happiness and peace of mind and I refuse to compromise these things again.

Now that I’m older I have some good and bad experiences to help me make better decisions related to every area of my life. I’ve learned the important of honesty – not just with a potential mate, but foremost with myself. And how can I be a healthy addition to someone else’s life if I’m not in a healthy relationship with myself? I need to be good to myself before I can be the same for somebody else.

3. Low self-esteem 

In my younger days, I had very low self-esteem and I lacked self-confidence. I embraced society’s definition of beauty instead of establishing my own.

When I was in Middle School and High School I hid myself hoping to be invisible to those that I felt inferior to. Over time my self-esteem and confidence improved. However, I did succumb to mental abuse as an adult , which caused my confidence to lessen.

I am wiser now and equipped with tools to enhance and strengthen my view of me so I will not fall into the bubble of low-self esteem again.

4. Illness caused by bad decisions

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I made bad food choices that resulted in illness. My body’s response to that choice is something I don’t want repeated. But, number 4 on this list encompasses more than picking healthier foods to eat.

In the past few months I’ve allowed the behavior of another person to affect me negatively. I gave into feelings of irritation and frustration. Which, have resulted in headaches, backaches, and plain stress. I had to remind myself of the mindset I speak about regarding social acceptance – it can be applied in this situation too. I am hurting myself when I allow the behavior of another person to influence me to respond negatively regardless of the circumstances.

So, I’ve decided to put the tools I write about into practice in this area too. I’m going to be me in spite of what this person does or doesn’t do. The only behavior I can control is mine, which will help my mental and physical health.

Self-reflecting can be extremely rewarding.

Until the next time, be you and most importantly – love you.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

– B.B.