A few days ago I had a conversation with one of my friends about a social media post he shared with me. The post was in response to the “don’t rush” challenge that has been pretty popular on social media recently. This particular challenge has inspired various groups of people to make videos of themselves transitioning from one look to another. For example, a small group of plus-size women dressed in their “house uniform” transform into their “out-on-the-town” attire.
The message of the post my friend and I discussed was not about plus-size women creating videos and sharing them with the world, per se; it was about how some plus-size women responded to videos of non-plus-size men—like this one on Facebook.
The author of the post expressed his observation of some plus-size women only sharing videos of men with six-packs, beards, and tattoos and asked where the larger men are. He questioned how some women within the plus-size community can promote videos like that, yet demand equality and protest body shaming. This, I believe caused the writer to also ask if these women wanted equality or just personal acceptance.
When I initially read the post I agreed with some of it, but I questioned whether or not the women were at fault. I could see this as a “fair” argument if the plus-size women in question created the videos with men who only have six-packs, beards, and tattoos. I don’t think the women in question can be faulted because they didn’t create the videos. They didn’t select the men or organize the video.
However, they watched it and took a liking to it. But is that necessarily a bad thing or something they should apologize for? And then there is the question my friend raised during our conversation, “What would the response be if the opposite was done—slim women and large men?”
So, is this an act of personal preference, bodying shaming, or a double standard? I’m not 100 percent sure what it is, which is precisely why I raised the question.
Personal preferences are defined as specific likes and dislikes of a person, which can have an influence on decisions and behavior. Is it okay for a plus-size person to prefer a slim person? Should a plus-size person be shamed for finding a non-plus-size person attractive? Is there a mindset or expectation that larger people should only be in relationships with other large people—similar to the idea that people shouldn’t date or marry outside of their race?
Body shaming is the act of humiliating someone by mocking or criticizing their body shape or size. If a person is overlooked or dismissed because of their body shape or size, is that a form of body shaming? If so, is a personal preference in fact the same as body shaming—or even a form of prejudice?
When I initially watched the video I linked in this post, I caught myself swooning and lusting over more than a few of the images that were before my eyes. Other than my lustful thoughts, I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But after I gave more thought to the differences between personal preference and body shaming—or the lack thereof—I started to question myself and I wanted to identify the real problem.
Are there any “don’t rush” videos—or the like—of large men being shared and liked by thousands of people? If not, why not? Could it be because men aren’t getting the same amount of encouragement and support women do to love and accept themselves? Women aren’t the only ones who struggle with self-love and acceptance. We all need love and encouragement regardless of age, race, or gender.
As far as the line between personal preference and body shaming, I don’t think there is a definitive answer. I believe there is a lot to think about and consider when it comes to this subject and determining a personal stance. The more I think about it, I believe the line is blurred or even possibly non-existent. Which makes my push for self-acceptance an even stronger necessity.
Until the next time be you—and more important—love you.
Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful. – B.B. 💋
