The Butterfly Effect

The butterfly effect is a theory that describes how small changes to a seemingly unrelated thing can affect large systems, meaning that an apparently minute influence on one part of a system can have a huge effect on another part.

I think words can have a “butterfly effect” on people. Words are often seen as small and insignificant, but in reality they make a huge impact on the lives they are spoken into.

Several years ago I watched a DVD of comedian Katt Williams where he told a “joke” during his monologue that stuck in my mind. I won’t state what he said verbatim, I will just give you a synopsis. Mr. Williams stated that women shouldn’t look for validation from men – it should come from within. We shouldn’t blame men for something they have no control over – that being, our level of self-esteem. He went on to say, self-esteem is the esteem of self – how can I affect how you feel about you?

I partially agree with Mr. Williams. I believe no one, male or female, should seek validation from another person. We should believe in ourselves, know our worth and walk in that knowledge confidently. However, I do not agree that the esteem of oneself is based solely on the thoughts and feelings of that person. I don’t think we are solely responsible for who we are as individuals. We are the products of our environment. We are influenced by how we were raised and the people that surround us. There are several things in life that we experience and witness that play a part in who we are. What we see and hear in regards to body image, self-worth, and our overall being, has an effect on our self-esteem.

I do realize the word self is a part of self-esteem. Be that as it may, the words and behavior of others can have a negative or positive impact on the level of our self-esteem. The things people say – nice or nasty, directly or indirectly- can affect our self-esteem.

Most of us went through the awkward stages of youth – when your teeth seemed to be bigger than your entire head, or you had so many pimples you could play “connect the dots” on your own face. Thinking about myself, I can recall how the teasing of adolescent boys and girls affected me negatively. I listened to the unkind words and took them to heart. I unknowingly allowed them to affect my self-esteem. Secretly wishing everything about me was different because of the negative words I heard.

Like the metamorphosis of the butterfly, we go through stages in life that change and shape us into who we are to become. The transformation from caterpillar to butterfly is arduous, much like the journey to adulthood and life in general. The growing pains of becoming an adult are exactly that – painful. Be that as it may, the harsh words I heard as an adolescent helped to mold me into the woman I am today. I wouldn’t know how to address overcoming low self-esteem if I hadn’t experienced it myself. As my father once told me, “you don’t truly know something until you have experienced it.”

I have learned the importance of being who I truly am. There is only one me. I am special and imperfect. My imperfections make me unique. Knowing and accepting ourselves as we are, plays a major part in establishing a healthy level of self-esteem.

I have also learned how powerful words can be. We can use our words to encourage or tear down one another. I am sure most of us told the same lie as a child, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” Do you remember telling that lie? I sure do. Words can hurt just as much as sticks and stones, and in some cases – a lot more.

Let us be mindful of the words we speak to others as well as to ourselves. Don’t allow the wings of your words to cause any hurricanes.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue…Proverbs 18:21 KJV

We cannot control the actions of others, but the act of knowing who we are can aid in countering those negative words. I am reminded of another time in my life when I allowed negative words to tear me down and affect my thoughts concerning my self-worth. I am so grateful for the very moment the truth about myself resurfaced in my mind. I remembered who I truly am and I confronted the negative attack of words with the truth – I am special…I am imperfect…I am unique…and I am loved – by me.